1sunfight’s Weblog

January 23, 2009

Dating — what NOT to say when

Filed under: Daily Observations,Uncategorized — Julie P @ 2:18 am
Tags: , ,

One of the things at the top, or near to the top, of my pet peeves are articles like this one: Dating – what NOT to say when. It is not that people need advice on dating, but the articles are always geared at women, like this one is. As a veteran of dating the advice given in this article needs to be applied to men as well. I know I have run screaming after I have been a few dates with some men for breaking some of the these obvious rules.

One-to-three dates: Unless you suddenly burst into tears over appetizers, he doesn’t need to know that your last boyfriend cheated on with your sister. (And if you’re still bursting into tears, you probably shouldn’t be dating.) Ditto your struggles with eating disorders, your family’s predisposition to certain kinds of cancers, or your puppy’s gnarly digestive issues.

There have been countless times I have been on a date, usually within the first three dates where I get the gory details about their divorce. I am not giving the details on why some of these dates have gotten divorced, but they reveal way too much too fast. I am not interested in hearing how broken up the man is, or how much baggage the man is still carrying. It just screams that he is not over his ex-wife. I especially find it disturbing when the divorce was years prior. Please leave out the family too other than the basics, like how many brothers and sisters you have.

Two-to- three weeks: Unless you two are keeping things very casual, if he’s been around a few weeks, you’re probably thinking that he has keeper potential. This is where you can let yourself be a little more vulnerable – but don’t give away the farm! – and – see how he reacts. If a guy is going to freak out because your Uncle Marco is serving a life sentence, now is the time to find out. Before you get too attached.

If I am still there after a few weeks I probably am interested, but for the love of God, do not start talking about marriage. I certainly do not mind that the man is letting his guard down and is thinking long term, but pressing me on the subject beyond a casual question, like asking me why I have never married is really too much. Accept my general response. That includes asking me if I would ever like to get married. A simple yes should suffice as well. Pressing me for a time table on when I think is a good time to get married is, like three to six months after meeting the man, is really not what I want to hear. I often times I respond with I like to date, to get to know the person, build a friendship, and see where it leads. Too often the conversation has turned to analyzing me, that I have commitment issues. Really it smacks of desperation.

Three-to-six months: If you’re a permanent-minded lady (and not all of us are, so if you’re not, please disregard), this would be the time when you figure you out whether or not he’s h-h-husband material. Meaning, he doesn’t bug the crap out of you. After a few months, you’ve seen each other through a minor crisis or two. You’ve heard him fart. He’s seen you sick, runny-nosed and snotty, and he still thinks you’re cute.

Here is the thing. Too many men have broken the first two rules so often that getting to this point rarely happens. The trouble is revealing deep secrets and the pressure for a serious commitment is really too much.


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  1. Wow this really helped a lot thanks!!!

    Comment by kandyriot — January 23, 2009 @ 2:26 am

  2. Hilarious Julie!..Oh we are the strangest of animals..

    Comment by brucehood — January 24, 2009 @ 8:03 am

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